


Beauty From Ashes

by Cateyes315



Category: Marvel
Genre: F/M, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:01:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 10,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23305741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cateyes315/pseuds/Cateyes315
Summary: Reader loves to sing, but hasn't been singing lately. So Loki is happy to hear them singing.
Relationships: Loki (Marvel)/Reader
Comments: 28
Kudos: 56





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Some mentions of depression in this chapter as well as the chapters to follow.  
> I hope you enjoy the story. My inbox is open if anyone needs someone to talk to.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader loves to sing, but hasn't been singing lately. So Loki is happy to hear them singing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some mentions of depression in this chapter as well as the chapters to follow.  
> I hope you enjoy the story. My inbox is open if anyone needs someone to talk to.

You were usually moving around the tower with earbuds in or a song stuck in your head, just smiling, singing and dancing along. However, it’s been a long week and you just want to crawl in bed and curl up in a ball. So you start to do just that, you might not be going on missions but you were still exhausted. You knew it was because you were depressed, but you didn’t really have anyone to talk to about it. With everyone out on missions, except Loki sometimes, the tower was pretty empty lately.

Loki glanced curiously around for signs of you around, since he didn’t hear your singing ringing through the halls. He thought he caught a glance of you slowly walking down the hall. When he turned to look he saw something he couldn’t quite believe. You were dragging your feet with your head hung low. No smile or spark anywhere in sight. He watched you in confusion, wondering what was wrong.

You reached your room and thought you felt someone close by watching, but at this moment you didn’t really care. It was probably just Loki roaming the halls again anyway. He probably didn’t even remember your name, or at least didn’t care. You silently scolded that inner voice, of course Loki remembered your name. After all, He was usually your only company with the rest gone. Besides Jarvis of course, but that wasn’t the point. You forgot where your thoughts were going and decided to just go to bed, despite it being early in the afternoon.

Loki noticed you stop and just stand in front of your door with a scowl on your face, that seemed very out of place. Before apparently deciding to go inside. He intently listened for some kind of music or your own singing to come from your room. When he finally heard music it seemed rather, dark and down. In very sharp contrast to your normal upbeat playlist, also he couldn’t hear you singing. He gathered the courage to knock on your door, just as the team came back from their mission.

It seemed like no time from the time you turned on your “Struggles” playlist that you heard loud noises indicating the Avengers had returned. You quickly switched the music to something more upbeat and plastered a fake smile on your face, before heading out of your room to greet them.

Loki was even more confused when he heard the subtle, yet quick, change in the music before you stepped out of your room with a giant smile spread on your face. He knew something wasn’t right, but couldn’t quite figure out what it was. You certainly seemed happy, but there was no spark in your eyes and despite the music playing he couldn’t hear you singing. At first he thought maybe it was just because you were listening to the Avengers talk about the mission. However as time went on that didn’t seem to be the only cause.

You did your best to act like everything was normal and for the most part it was working. To everyone in the tower everything seemed normal, as far as you could tell that is. You smiled till it was such an automatic motion that it meant nothing to you. You kept the facade going, except you couldn’t fake enough happy energy to sing and dance like normal. Not that anyone seemed to notice the difference, besides it seemed no sooner had they got back that they had to leave again. Leaving you stuck in the tower all alone, not that you really felt up to company anyway.

Loki noticed how disheartened you seemed to be when the Avengers had to leave you behind again, not that this was a new occurrence, so he set out determined to figure out what had you so down. He missed his friend’s joyful singing ringing through the tower and longed to see you happy again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize the chapters are short but this my first chapter fanfic so still working out the kinks. Also I kind of like them being short. Thanks for reading it anyway lol


	2. Beauty From Ashes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader loves to sing, but hasn't been singing lately. So Loki is happy to hear them singing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some mentions of depression in this chapter as well as the chapters to follow. Also mentions of losing a loved one.  
> I hope you enjoy the story. My inbox is open if anyone needs someone to talk to.

Loki begans pacing, not quite sure how to proceed in his personal mission. He notices something out of the corner of his eye and looks up. Seeing the cameras everywhere gives him an idea, one he’s not overly fond of. However, he reminds himself, it is not for himself, but for you that he must do this.

Looking towards the cameras he calls out, “Artificial intelligence, (what was its name again, oh right) Jarvis, I was wondering if perhaps you could assist me in something.”

Jarvis' disembodied voice immediately responded, “How can I be of assistance Sir Reindeer Games?”

Loki started to roll his eyes at that stuid nickname, but thought against it afraid the AI wouldn’t help him if he upset him. Instead he mentally cursed at Stark and focused his attention on the task at hand. “Jarvis you see everything that goes on in the tower, correct?”

“Yes”, he replied, making a note to record this conversation in case Tony wanted it related to him word for word if need be.

Loki chose his next words carefully, knowing no one in the tower really trusted him. “Have you noticed a difference in Y/N and their behavior recently?”

Of course he had, yet since Tony didn’t really seem to trust him yet Jarvis decided to keep his answers as brief as possible, not revealing much information. “Perhaps, is there a reason you ask?”

Loki frowned and his brows furrowed in confusion, “I’m concerned, is all something seems rather off”.

Jarvis made note of his body language and tone and realized he was telling the truth, perhaps Loki really did care.”I’ve noticed Y/N has not been singing much as of late Loki.”

Loki was a bit taken back by being called by his actual name instead of Starks stupid nickname. “Might you know why Y/N hasn’t been singing lately Jarvis?”

“Her depression”, Jarvis responded simply, as though it should be obvious.

“What is this ‘depression’?”, Loki asked, “Obviously it is not a good thing”. The last part mumbled under his breath, yet the AI heard him.

“Do you truly not know what depression is?” Jarvis asked.

“I truly do not.” Loki stated simply. Getting even more concerned.

“Would you like me to send articles and the names of some books that might help you?” Jarvis offered, “I feel they would help you understand better than I could.”

Loki was grateful for the offer, “Yes, please do that. I would like to help if I can.”

“I’d appreciate it if you could help, Y/N’s singing makes it less lonely while the others are gone.” Jarvis added, knowing Loki would understand. “Another thing Loki, I seem to remember it getting this bad around the same time last year. Also Y/N seems to do better with someone to talk to.”

“Thank you very much Jarvis, I greatly appreciate your help” Loki told the AI and he genuinely meant it. He missed you roaming the halls singing to whatever song you happen to be listening to, or have stuck in your head at the time. He would appreciate any help he could get in trying to help you.

Y/N was laying on the bed clutching the picture that was worn from constant running fingers across it and the tears that have fallen on it. You missed your grandparent so much it hurt, especially so close to their birthday that was close to yours. Their birthday would’ve been today and yours about a week after. Which is why you were so depressed, but especially with all the Avengers gone thus leaving no one to physically sit beside you and talk to. Sure Jarvis was always there, however it wasn’t quite the same. 

Loki read every piece of information Jarvis had sent or told him about him, plus anything else he could find that he thought might help him help you. He heard some soft, sad sounding music come out of your room as the door opened.

“Hey Jarvis, could you please tell me the name of the song that’s playing?” Loki asked. He felt a strange pull to it and wondered why.

“Of course Loki, it’s Someone You Loved by Lewis Calapadi.” Jarvis replied. “Would you like me to play the full song for you? It’s one Y/N has been listening to a lot lately, also, Without You by For KIng and Country.”

“Would you play them both please?” Loki asked Jarvis. He felt like he could maybe get used to talking to Jarvis. Maybe.

You headed to the kitchen to get a pint of your favorite ice cream to drown your sorrows in while listening to the “Struggles” playlist again.You left the door open to your room so you could still hear the music. Someone You Love was currently playing loud enough you could hear it to and from the kitchen.

After listening to both songs Loki felt like he really needed to talk to you. Or more importantly see if you need someone to talk to.

“Jarvis, where is Y/N right now?” Loki asked.

"In the kitchen getting ice cream." Jarvis answered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize the chapters are short but this my first chapter fanfic so still working out the kinks. Also I kind of like them being short. Thanks for reading it anyway lol


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki and reader finally have a moment to talk. Will reader talk or just sit in silence?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More mentions of depression, it gets better I promise (both the story and whatever you're going through). I hope you enjoy the story. My inbox is open if anyone needs someone to talk to.

Loki wandered into the kitchen in search of you, still not entirely sure what was wrong. Between the books and the articles he knew there was a reason your depression started and he hadn’t forgotten Jarvis’s comment about it being this bad about the same time last year. He still didn’t completely understand, but he was willing to talk to you, or just listen if you were willing to talk to him.

You looked up at the sudden feeling of another presence in the kitchen. You were startled for a moment until you realised it was only Loki. You could’ve swore he had left with the others, but apparently he hadn’t. Oh well you thought, at least he had been quiet and let you be. Although if you were being honest you did want to talk to someone at least a little. Even though you two were friends you weren’t sure how he would see you if you opened up to him.

Loki was not prepared for the eyes red, from crying, that met his gaze. Your eyes were usually sparkling with joy and so much life, however that was definitely not the case at the moment. He walked over to you with genuine concern in his eyes.

“Y/N how have you been doing? Are you doing ok?” Loki asked, deeply concerned.

“Hey Loki, I didn’t know you were still here. I thought everyone had left on the mission, leaving me all alone, again.” You said that last part so softly you weren’t sure he heard you.

Loki looked at you still concerned especially when he heard that last comment. “You didn’t answer my question Y/N”. He looked at you very softly, yet sternly.

You lowered your head so he couldn’t see the tears building up. “I’m ok Loki, just having a bad day.”

Loki scoffed at that, “You’ve been having a bad day for close to a week. Do you wanna talk about it, or would you just like some company?” He offered sincerely.

“Don’t really wanna talk right now, maybe just sit with me and keep me company for a little while.” You finally had the tears under control and raised your head.

“Ok, where would you like to sit? Front room, kitchen?” Loki asked, “Wherever is most comfortable for you” he added.

“Can we just go to my room for a little while?” You ask not really wanting to be away from your soft, comforting bed right now.

“Of course, if that’s truly what you wish.” Loki said stepping to the side so you could leave first.

Thanking Loki you headed back to your room with ice cream and two spoons in hand. Sitting on the bed you encouraged Loki to sit beside you and handed him a spoon. Holding the container of ice cream where you both could reach it the two of you simply sat listening to your music and eating ice cream together. No words exchanged for a long time. Until the ice cream was gone that is. Loki vanished the empty carton to the trash and the spoons to the sink so you didn’t have to move. Also so he didn’t have to leave you.

Loki was content to just sit there and keep you company, but he felt like he should be doing more. For now though his company was all you had asked for, so he would give you his company until you were ready to talk about whatever was bothering you.

You wanted to talk to Loki but decided against it and just sat there enjoying his calming presence beside you. You would maybe talk to him later, maybe. For now you both seemed content to just sit in each other’s company. Besides, you figured he would eventually get bored of just sitting and you would be alone, again. After a few minutes you scoot a little closer to Loki, and lay your head on his shoulder.

Loki looks down at you with a worried look on his face, wishing you would say something about what’s bothering you. Ultimately, he decides against saying something and letting you take your time. As you sit there he notices the tears starting to build up in your eyes, and you swallow thickly as if there was a lump in your throat.

You finally build up the courage to talk to Loki as the tears get ready to flow again. Asking Jarvis to turn the music down, you leave your head on Loki’s shoulder as you swallow and start to speak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I meant to put the link for the playlist that a friend made and the playlist I had in mind that the reader was listening to earlier so I'm just gonna go ahead and put the link here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5B0ej0D2yLhMFKoR2szJs7?si=8fduiTDFSeGHgLCpx5y-YA   
> Also I promise to post a happier playlist later on in the story, when the time comes.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader opens up to Loki. Also mentions of cancer in this chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This and the next couple of chapters were a bit emotional for me to write. As always my inbox is open if anyone needs to talk

You chose your next words very carefully feeling a bit shy all of the sudden. Even though you and Loki had become friends, (you hoped) it was still hard to talk about this especially since it was still hard to comprehend yourself.

“I just miss them so much,” you almost whispered, letting the tears roll down your face.

Loki sat silently holding your hand, letting you take your time to tell him in your own words what was bothering you.

You were still gripping the photograph tightly, in the hand that wasn’t being held by Loki. You slowly brought it up to where Loki could look at it. It was a photograph of you and your favorite grandparent during happier times, before the cancer came back and took them away.

Loki reached out to hold the picture so he could see it better, taking note of how worn out it was. It was you and a much older person smiling and that same spark he had come to look forward to in both pairs of eyes looking back at him. He could tell the two of you were related by the identical smiles and similar facial features. He waited in silence for you to continue.

You were staring off in the distance, not really looking at anything but seeing memories of them go through your head. The memories ranged from the happy carefree times of childhood, to the happy memories as you grew through the years and all the happy times the two of you had spent together, eventually ending with the sad and painful memories of when they got sick again. You started to sob and turned towards Loki who held you in his arms while you let it all out.

Loki held you in his arms, doing his best to comfort you while you sobbed uncontrollably, rubbing soothing circles on your back and telling you it was ok to be sad.

After a few minutes you sniffed and looked up at Loki, tears still streaming down your face. You tried to get your breathing back under control, before you started hyperventilating. You finally slowed your breathing, but it was still coming out in shaky breaths. Looking up at Loki you started to speak again.

“This was my favorite grandparent and I,” you started by talking about the picture you had been clinging to for dear life. “Their birthday would’ve been today, and mine is next week, this will only be my second birthday without them.”

Loki nodded in understanding and let you wipe the tears away before you spoke again.

“The cancer diagnosis came a couple of months after their birthday the last year they were alive.” You kept talking while wiping tears away, “It was aggressive and painful, taking their joy and happiness with it. Eventually they were confined to a bed and usually sleeping from the morphine they were given for the pain. Even when they were awake they were in pain and confused, not always remembering who I was. When I wasn’t stuck at work I was by their side as much as possible, they had always been there for me, I felt like it was my turn to be there for them.”

Loki conjured up a hot cup of your favorite tea and sat in silence waiting for you to continue, feeling like there was more you wanted to say. While he waited he started to think about his beloved mother Frigga, who had passed on as well. He suddenly realised why that one song had such a pull to him, as Momma Frigga was the only person he felt like had ever even tried to love him despite everything.

You accepted the cup of tea from Loki, noticing from the smell it was your favorite with a splash of honey, just the way you liked it. You held the cup between your hands feeling the warmth and focusing on the feel of it and the smell of the tea, you tried to focus on continuing the conversation with Loki and not the fact that your arms were starting to itch and you longed to scratch them so you knew you were feeling something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will the reader give into the urge to scratch, to feel something? Will Loki be able to help? We'll see more in the next chapter


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will you be able to open up to Loki? Will Loki understand?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a very emotional chapter for me and besides the depression there's also some mentions of self harm (sort of) as always my inbox is open if anyone needs to talk.

You sat there holding your hot tea just staring at the cup, the urge to scratch was still there and very strong. You started to rub your arm, not scratch just rub, in an attempt to get the urge to go away. Without thinking the rubbing turned into light scratches and then aggressive scratching almost drawing blood.

Loki looked down at your arm as you started to scratch and closely watched your face. When it didn’t seem you realized what you were doing, he tried to stop you before you hurt yourself.

You snapped back to reality by the gentle yet firm hold on your wrist and a very concerned Loki. You were confused by the look and hold on you until you looked down at your free arm and saw the red marks left by your nails. You immediately lowered your head, trying to hide your face from Loki’s concerned and questioning gaze. Tears of shame started to form in your eyes.

Loki gently raised your face up to look at him, immediately seeing more tears and the shame in your eyes. Now he was even more concerned than he had been before, and required answers to help him understand what was going on.

“Y/N please talk to me, I want to help you.” Loki said with pleading in his voice.

You tried to look away, but Loki held your face firmly, yet gently desperation in his eyes. Maybe he really did just want to help, you are friends after all. It’s just opening up about your feelings has always been hard. It seemed like every time you would open up to someone they would look at you differently or not take you seriously, like your parents. You scolded that inner voice again reminding yourself Loki is not like other people and definitely not like your parents. Hel, Odin was a crappy parent to Loki so if anything he would understand even better, especially since he’d lost his own caring parent, Momma Frigga.

The silence stretched for a couple of minutes, and Loki could see the struggle playing out on your face. He waited patiently, when you closed your eyes and sighed he let go of your face, knowing you had come to a decision and ready to accept whatever it was.

When Loki let go you lowered your head as you chose your next words.

“I wasn’t trying to hurt myself,” you said, running your hand over the marks that were starting to fade. “Not really, I just wanted to feel something I knew was real. It’s a bad habit I do when I’m stressed or depressed.” You didn’t want to look up even though you could feel Loki’s gaze on you, you were too afraid of what look you would find when you did. “I don’t always realize I’m doing it, sometimes I disassociate or ‘drift away’ mentally.”

Loki understood exactly what you were saying he realized, as he picked at his palm. He had seen mentions of disassociation while he was reading about depression, not a lot but enough he had an idea of what you were saying. 

When you finally looked up you saw something you hadn’t seen on someone's face in a long time, it wasn’t pity or disgust or even confusion, it was understanding. The last person that looked at you like that was gone and the reason you were so depressed. Loki actually understood what you were feeling. That gave you the courage you needed to continue.

“Growing up was rough, which is a whole different long story that I can’t go into right now.” You sighed as you tried to stay focused, “It felt like my grandparent was the only one that listened to me, the only one that took me seriously and the only one that truly cared about me and loved me. Since they passed things have been hard, I’ve had to keep so many emotions inside. So when the Avengers discovered my home life and offered me a place here I gratefully accepted. It’s been nice really, it’s just it doesn’t help the pain of missing them. Today would’ve been their birthday and this is only the second birthday I’ve been without them. Both theirs and mine, my birthday is next week. We had always been very close and that was one thing I always looked forward to back ‘home’.”

You spat out that last word because it always left a bad taste in your mouth, considering the memories the place you used to call home consisted of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It gets better I promise


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We pick up right where the last chapter left off

Loki could sense the bitterness when you said the last word but decided that would be a question for a different day. He was just glad you were trusting him this much and hoped he could help you through this.

You and Loki were still sitting on the edge of your bed, and you were getting tired from going through so many emotions and you still felt like you could cry even more. So you just laid your head on his shoulder and relaxed in the knowledge that he was willing to help you.

Loki felt you lay his head on his shoulder, so he wrapped his arms around you for comfort. Sitting in the silence he decided to speak, if you were willing to listen.

Loki started talking to you, “I wish I could say that everything will be just fine and truly know it but that wouldn’t be the truth and we know how I feel about lies.”

That earned him a small smile, and an ever so slight, chuckle from you.

“That’s quite encouraging,” Loki said smiling down at you, “knowing you can still laugh, that means there is, indeed still hope.” 

“I know how hard it is right now, while I might not be able to promise it will all work out and know it to be true, I do know I will always be available should you be willing to talk to me or even if you just want some company like now.” Loki said and then muttered a spell under his breath including your name.

“What was that?” You asked, looking up at him, having heard your name mixed with other words you didn’t catch.

Loki smiled looking down at you, “Just a little way to make sure I always hear you when you call. No matter the time, or if I’m asleep or if I’m here or not, all you need to do is call my name and I’ll be here by your side. Even if you just need someone to hold you while you let out your emotions I’ll always be here.”

“What if I’m talking and just say your name?” You asked unsure of how it would work.

“Not to worry my dear friend” Loki said smiling, “this particular spell can tell the difference between you calling out to me and simply talking about me in conversation.”

“Oh good, not that I would be talking bad about you or anything.” You said with a small smile on your face. “It’s just you’ve been so patient, waiting for me to be ready to talk and not pushing me. Thank you so much and thank you for listening. If you ever need someone to talk to I’ll be here for you.”

Loki was glad to see you smile. “I’ll keep that in mind, but first you need to focus on you and your mental health.” He smiled and squeezed your shoulder, “I’m still here if you need to talk some more, my issues can wait.”

You sighed and shifted a little more comfortably, “Can you just hold me for a while? There’s a lot to explain and I’m just not up for going through all that right now.”

“If that is what you wish, then I’ll hold you as long as your heart desires and you can talk when you’re ready.” Loki gave you a small hug and the two of you sat in comfortable silence for a while. Before long you dozed off being held by Loki.

When he realised you had fallen asleep he laid you gently down on the bed and decided to take the opportunity to stretch his legs.

Standing up he spoke softly to Jarvis, “Could you please alert me if Y/N awakens before I return and let them know I’ll be right back so they don’t worry.”

“Of course Loki, and thank you for helping Y/N,” Jarvis replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys like the next chapter.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We pick up right where we left off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings for this chapter, enjoy 😊

Loki came back after walking around for a few minutes and decided to make himself comfortable on your couch so he could watch over you and be close should you need him. He wound up dozing off himself not realizing it had gotten very late while the two of you talked and sat together.

You woke up feeling not quite as tired as before, glancing over you saw Loki with his legs stretched out and his arms crossed looking somewhat comfortable on your couch. Seeing him asleep you wondered just how long you had been asleep.

“Jarvis, what time is it?” You whispered, not wanting to wake Loki.

“It is still quiet early Y/N, perhaps you should go back to sleep.” Jarvis answered just as softly.

“Ok but please don’t let me sleep in too late, I feel like I’ve slept enough for a week.” You answered with a small smile on your face.

“Of course,” Jarvis replied, noticing the smile.

Loki awoke a few hours later and saw you sleeping peacefully. He decided to get up and maybe cook some breakfast, the thing is he knew some of your favorite foods but not really your favorite breakfast. Getting up he walked softly into the kitchen.

“Jarvis, any chance you could help me with something,” Loki asked as he leaned against the counter.

“Of course Loki, how can I help?” Jarvis responded.

“Has Y/N ever mentioned any of their favorite breakfast recipes? If so would you be able to talk me through what and how to make it?” He hoped he wasn’t asking for too much at once from the AI.

“They have indeed,” Jarvis replied “I’d be happy to help. I can walk you through a couple of recipes that were their favorite that their grandparent made.”

Loki smiled, “I hope this will help cheer them up a bit.”

“Are you ready, Loki?” Jarvis asked.

“Yes I am,” Loki said standing up straight, “What’s the first step?”

You stirred quite a bit later to a familiar, delicious smell, drifting down the hall. Curious you sat up in the bed and looked around for Loki.

“Loki, where are you?” You called out.

Immediately he appeared in your open doorway.

“Is everything ok, Y/N?” He asked.

“Yes, I was just wondering where you went.” You replied, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. “Jarvis was supposed to wake me up, what time is it?” You asked, wondering why he didn’t wake you up when Loki was already awake.

“I was just in the kitchen working on some breakfast with his help, I apologize but I asked him not to disturb you. I wanted to wait till everything was ready.” Loki explained.

“Oh ok,” you replied sitting up on the edge of the bed. “What’s for breakfast anyway? it smells really good and strangely familiar.”

“You’ll see when you get to the kitchen and I do hope I got everything right.” With that said and a flash of green he teleported himself back to the kitchen.

You decided to get up and head to the kitchen partly because you were curious and partly because it smelled so good and you realized you were very hungry.

As you walked into the kitchen you were hit with a wave of familiar scents and happy memories. You looked around to make sure you weren’t smelling things. Sure enough somehow Loki had found out some of your favorite recipes that your grandparent had made for breakfast.

You were overwhelmed with so many different emotions which of course brought tears to your eyes. Loki was by your side in an instant.

“Is it not right or is it too much?” He asked, concerned. “I just thought this might cheer you up and Jarvis helped me decide what to fix and find the recipes. I’m sorry if it’s too much.”

“It’s perfect Loki, I just wasn’t expecting all this or for anyone to really pay attention to my ramblings about their cooking.” You wiped the tears on your sleeves, “Thank you both so much for all of this.” You wrapped your arms around Loki in a hug and looked up at one of the cameras. “Thank you for helping him Jarvis, I really appreciate you two working together just for me.”

“Of course Y/N, I agree with Loki in hoping this would help cheer you up,” Jarvis replied, not knowing you saw this as the sweetest gesture in the world, especially with them seeming to get along so well.

“Well then let’s eat,” you said smiling at Loki and feeling just a little bit lighter, “I’m starving.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to bond over a show 😊 (it can be whatever your favorite show is) a slightly happier chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for the lapse between chapters things have been busy mostly a good busy though

After a really delicious meal of your favorite breakfast recipes that, in a good way, reminded you of your favorite grandparents cooking you decided to hang out with Loki for a while. You decided that the two of you were going to binge watch your favorite TV show that Loki apparently had never seen.

Loki didn’t argue when you playfully dragged him to the couch so you could show him your favorite TV show, he was enjoying seeing you excited about something. He was aware from what he had read, that it would take far more than just a breakfast of your favorite foods to get you out of your depression and that it wouldn’t truly, permanently go away, it was definitely progress though, so he would do everything he could to help you feel better.

You were feeling just a little bit lighter during and after breakfast. While talking about your favorite TV show Loki informed you he had no clue what you were talking about. Shocked, you immediately dragged him towards the couch, while you excitedly rambled on and asked Jarvis to start the series from the very beginning, so it would make more sense.

If Jarvis could’ve laughed right then he would’ve, at the sight of you a mortal, dragging Loki a god, across the room. Instead, he recorded it so the others could get a good laugh whenever they got back, of course he would be sure to explain how he and Loki had been trying to help you out of your depression.

Loki sat on the couch beside you mesmerized, seeing you this passionate about something wasn’t new for you but it was something he didn’t see often, especially lately, so he planned on enjoying every moment of it. He realized you had said something and he had no idea what it was.

“Earth to Loki, are you even paying attention?” You asked gently, tapping his shoulder to try and get his attention.

“Of course I’m paying attention, I just didn’t catch the question.” Loki replied slyly, reminding himself to focus on what you were saying.

“Sure you were” you said playfully, rolling your eyes.

“I swear, you were talking about your favorite character and why you like them so much.” Loki responded defensively.

“Anyway, my question was who is your favorite character so far and why?” You asked Loki, again.

“Honestly, I feel like I can relate a lot to your favorite character as you do.” Loki replied. “Crappy parenting and feeling like no one really cared yet somehow you still turned out amazing and very caring toward others.” He truly was amazed by you.

You scoffed, “Please that’s not always the case. There are certain people I can’t stand and I hated playing the part of the obedient child despite everything. I honestly wished some of them dead or at least completely out of my life several times.” You replied, very bitterly.

“I’m sorry dear and I’m here if you ever want to talk about the rest of the story. I’m willing to listen and I promise not to judge. After all, how can I judge considering my past actions?” He asked with remorse in his voice.

Pausing the show you turned to look at him. “Loki l can hear the remorse in your voice and I know New York was not your fault. So please don’t keep beating yourself up for anything that’s happened in the past.”

Loki looked down at the floor, “I’ll do my best, it’s not easy though especially when certain people tend to keep throwing my past in my face. It seems that just because I am the God of Lies and Mischief I’m automatically not trusted when I try and tell the truth.”

“Loki, look at me,” you said, gently but very firmly, “I trust you with my life and Jarvis seems to trust you enough to help you understand what’s going on with me and to work with you to help me.”

You held his face in your hands the way he had with you last night. “You are NOT your past mistakes Loki, do you understand me?”

He could hear the sincerity with which you spoke and he tried to detect lies or mistruths but found none, which meant you were telling the truth or at least you believed it to be true. “I understand and thank you.”

“Good,” you said triumphantly, “now let's finish this episode, I think you’re really going to like the next episode. There’s a lot of mischief involved.”

“I do like the sound of that,” Loki said smiling at you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What will happen next? Will Loki ever hear the rest of their story? We must wait and see 😊


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader panics a bit and has an anxiety attack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of Anxiety and anxiety attack

Several episodes later and you were starting to wind down and feel a little down again. You tried to keep up the happy face since Loki was sitting right there and seemed to be enjoying your show. You should’ve known that wouldn’t work though.

Sensing your mood shift Loki paused the tv and looked at you. “Y/N, do you need to take a break from this for a while?” He asked with concern in his voice and all over his face.

You sighed and nodded, curling up into a ball on the couch, suddenly feeling very tired again.

“Jarvis could you play Y/N’s favorite relaxing music please,” Loki asked, while pulling you closer to him and conjuring your favorite blanket to lay over you.

“Of course Loki,” he responded as music started playing softly in the background.

Between the music and the comforting presence of Loki, you decided to scoot closer to him and lay your head in his lap. Getting very sleepy you wrapped your arms around his waist and mumbled “mine” and held onto him.

Loki looked down at the bundle that had latched onto him as you fell asleep. Slightly confused, but definitely not wanting to disturb you, instead he simply laid a comforting hand on your back and leaned his head back still listening to your music.

You awoke a few hours later feeling very rested and comfortably cuddled up to something. Cuddling up to what exactly you weren’t sure. You opened your eyes, slowly looking around and realized you were still in the tower's main living room on the couch. So what on earth where you cuddled too? Looking up you stiffened in panic when you realized you must have fallen asleep while clinging to Loki. When your brain remembered how to work you quickly let go and sat up next to Loki with your head hanging in shame.

“I’m sorry Loki, I didn’t realize I was holding you like that. I don’t even remember doing that let alone asking if it was ok.” You were starting to freak out since you knew how Loki felt about people touching him or being in his space, not to mention he’s a prince which meant you probably just violated so many royal rules or whatever you called them. You were spiraling downward and fast, hyperventilating, rocking back and forth, scratching the works. Your head was spinning with so many thoughts of what happened.

“Hey Y/N it’s ok, I wouldn’t have stayed if I wasn’t ok with it.” Loki said, trying to calm you down.

You weren’t listening, you were still so anxious and couldn’t think straight let alone pay attention to anything. You couldn’t remember any of your coping mechanisms; you were not doing good at all.

“Jarvis, how can I help Y/N? I don’t think they can even hear me.” Loki asked him greatly concerned, as you were scratching so much he was afraid you would start bleeding. You were breathing so hard he was afraid you wouldn’t be able to calm down.

“Y/N is having an anxiety attack. We need to find a way to get them to focus on their breathing and calm the racing thoughts in their head.” Jarvis continued, “also there should be a bottle of anxiety medication on the bedside table in their room. If you could get that and something for them to drink that should help some.”

Loki focused his magic on retrieving the medication and a bottle of your favorite drink, while trying to focus his attention on you. He decided to try and get your attention focused on him.

Gently yet firmly he brought your face up to look at him. “Y/N please look at me,” he pleaded when you tried to turn your face away. “I’m not upset with you, I promise”, handing you your medication and drink, he continued. “I haven’t had anyone comfortable with giving me physical contact since my beloved mother has passed. Unless it was in ridicule or for their own personal gain.”

You took your medicine and tried to focus on Loki’s words, you tried to give him your full attention. You looked down in shame at your arms that had scratch marks all over them. A flash of green and they vanished and the stinging feeling went with them. You looked up in confusion at Loki.

“I greatly care for you dear and do not wish to see you suffer.” He stated with affection in his eyes, “I wish to understand what happened if you’re ok to talk about it, if not I’ll wait till you are ready.”

You had finally calmed down and was breathing normal again, a little shaky, but slowed down. You sighed and shifted uncomfortably on the couch head lowered. You thought of how to explain it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whatever will happen next? Will the reader be able to explain why they reacted so strongly? What will Loki have to say?


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader rambles a little (don't we all at times) they also get a small confession from Loki

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little rambling, a little Loki trying to get the reader to see things the way he does.... What more could you ask for? 😊

You thought carefully of what to say. You weren’t entirely sure how to explain it yourself. With all the ways he had helped you and the way he was looking at you, you decided you would do your best. Looking at the floor you let the words come out the best way you could.

“I haven’t felt that comfortable in someone's presence since my grandparent has passed and I know how you feel about people touching you and with you being a prince I know I probably royally messed up by touching you not to mention clinging to you without your permission I’m so sorry please don’t be mad at me. I really hope I didn’t just screw up our friendship but I’ll understand if you need me to leave you alone now.” You hoped he understood everything you said, despite your rambling on, and that you were sorry.

Loki lifted your head so you could see his face as he spoke, “Y/N please listen to me, I’m not upset in the slightest for you touching me. I’m simply concerned as to why you reacted the way you did when you realized what you had happened. I do not wish you to leave me alone now or ever, I would only wish for you to stay for as long as you would have me. I deeply care for you my dear, but if you only wish for us to be friends I can understand that.”

You looked at him with confusion, “You really care for me that much? You don’t even know everything about me, who I am, all I’ve been through. Why would you care for me so much?”

“I can see how amazing and caring you are. You accept me despite my past, despite my heritage, despite everything. Do you truly wonder how I could care for you?” He couldn’t believe you didn’t seem to see you the way he saw you.

“The things I’ve been through, things I’ve seen, would send most people even thinking about a relationship running quite quickly in the opposite direction.” You mumbled, tears starting to fill your eyes again.

“I don’t care about other people and their cowardice, if they fail to see you for the precious person you are then that is their loss, and your gain, hopefully my gain as well, if you’ll have me that is.” He said it so earnestly and with such sincerity you felt that maybe you could believe him and give it a shot.

You decided it was time to be completely honest with him about everything. “If you still want me after I tell you my story then we’ll try it. You should know the whole story first though. So there’s no surprises later on.” 

“Only if you are truly ready to tell me. I don’t want you to feel pressured or rushed into telling me anything.” Loki looked at you intently to be sure you were being honest with yourself.

“I am ready but I could use a cup of hot tea if you don’t mind.” You said readying yourself for the memories that would soon be revealed.

Loki looked at you with concern, it must be a serious conversation indeed, if you were willing to ask him for such a favor. You had never asked him to use his seider for yourself, you usually had to be talked into it or asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A pre warning the next chapter is pretty intense with a big reveal and will explain a few things. Even though it was therapeutic for me to write, I will have all the necessary warnings in place but even if you feel you can handle it please proceed with caution.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki learns the readers past, which is a lot to take in, how will he respond?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF PAST ABUSE AND RAPE  
> Proceed with caution.

You focused on the warmth of the cup as you slowly took a sip of the tea Loki had made for you and tried to calm your nerves. You had told Loki you were ready to tell him your story and he was sitting beside you ready to listen.

“It all started back before I can even remember but from what I’ve heard it’s a good thing I don’t remember. Just because I can’t remember it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen though.” You were mostly reminding yourself more than anything, you knew you could always have Loki read your memories but you wouldn’t wish your memories on him especially in that much detail.

“My biological father and his parents were very abusive towards my siblings and I, not just physical either. You name a type of abuse and they probably did it, physically, sexually and mentally, all without my mother finding out till I was 2 years old. When she finally did discover what was happening my oldest sibling was the only one allowed to testify and they had blocked most of the memories out, except for a few and those only involved him not his parents, so she still didn’t know the full extent for a couple more years. Then came a family friend while I was still just a kid, raped me and threatened to kill everyone if I ever said a word so for 2 whole years I kept my mouth shut. When my mom and step dad finally found out they asked me why I didn’t tell them. When I told them what the person had said they told me to never keep a secret from an adult no matter what. They took me out to eat and let me order whatever I wanted and unless I brought it up which wasn’t very often it was never mentioned again.” You slowed down realizing you were rambling and took a breath, feeling the warm cup again and taking another sip of tea.

“That is a lot for anyone to go through, especially for one so young.” Loki said, noticing you weren’t saying anything he asked, “Is there something else you wish to tell me or should it wait?”

“I just need a minute and a promise from you. No matter what I say next please don’t go after anyone for my sake I don’t wish you to be in trouble just for me.” You looked at Loki with pleading in your eyes.

“If my dear wishes me to not go after anyone I promise I will not seek them out.” He promised with a sly grin. “However, if anyone should come around causing trouble I can make no such promises.”

“I’ll take what I can get” you said smiling ever so slightly, taking a deep breath you continued. “Growing up the youngest is not easy when your siblings all think you’re spoiled. What makes it even harder is when you’re being groomed and sexually abused and don’t even realize it. Which was exactly the case with my brothers and step dad. With the boys it was usually some twisted game they wanted to play or a way for me to get help cleaning around the house. Empty promises of chores they would do if only I would do what they wanted first. The boys all had me convinced if I ever told anyone I would be in trouble and so would they. As for my step dad he told me he was teaching me how to be a good wife. He swore if I told anyone that he would go to jail it would be all my fault and mom would hate me for sending him there because what we were doing wasn’t wrong, just seen as wrong by some people. Of course with him being a preacher and an “upstanding member of the community” he would’ve probably been believed anyway” You stopped again taking another shaky breath and a sip of tea that was somehow still warm.

Loki struggled to hide the anger building inside him so he didn’t scare you but you could see it in his eyes. There wasn’t just anger though there was something else, if you didn’t know better you would think it was awe and wonder.

Taking deep calming breaths he turned his attention towards you. “Tell me dear, how does one endure all this pain and madness and fear and come away so sweet and caring? I know some that only half of that would’ve made them bitter and angry at the world and rightly so I believe.”

You shrugged, “Believe me I am quite bitter and angry when it comes to them. However, knowing the pain and madness there is in this world make me want to help others who have no one there for them. Yes people have been cruel yet others have been kind, there is great evil in this world but also great goodness it’s just hard to see sometimes."

Loki wrapped you in his arms and vowed then and there that he would never let anyone harm you in that way or any other ever again. He also promised himself to help you stay as sweet and kind as the day he met you.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lady/Loki comforts you after you tell them your story (aka exactly where we left off)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is mostly fluff and comfort. It was therapeutic for me and I only hope others can find some comfort.

Conjuring your favorite blanket and another hot cup of tea Loki held you till there were no more tears left while handing you tissues. When the tears finally dried up and you could swallow the lump in your throat you turned to look at Loki.

“Thank you for listening and letting me get your shirt all wet”, you said with a small smile upon seeing just how wet his shirt was from your tears.

“Of course my dear,” lifting your face gently to look him in the eyes he continued. “I strongly hope you realize none of what happened to you was your fault. All the blame lays at their feet not yours, you did nothing to deserve or encourage any of it. No matter what they told you or what you did or what was said at the time. None of that was by any means your fault. No one ever deserves anything like that to happen to them, EVER, especially from someone that has power over you, someone you should've been able to trust. People who abuse their power like that know exactly what they’re doing and deserve no pity especially from those that have suffered by their hands.”

You meekly nodded your head, you had been trying to tell yourself that for years but it never seemed to sink in. Hearing it from Loki you knew it to be true and decided to do your best to believe and remember it. You were very exhausted from the emotions and crying but you knew from experience you didn’t want to be alone right now.

“Can you please keep me company for a while? You don’t need to say anything just don’t leave me alone please.” You asked hesitantly.

“I wouldn’t leave you alone right now unless you asked me to leave,” Loki said and chuckled, “I’d definitely put up a fight though.”

You smiled at the thought knowing he meant it and that he was only trying to look out for you. You hesitated before asking your next question and he saw it.

“Is there something else you require besides my company?” He asked smoothly.

You chewed on your lip before answering him, “If it’s not too much trouble could you just hold me for a while please?”

Loki was happy you trusted him that much after everything you had told him but he had an idea just in case. “Would you be more comfortable with me or Lady Loki holding you?” He asked as a green shimmer wrapped around him and suddenly there was Lady Loki beside you instead.

“Maybe Lady Loki for now, if you don’t mind.” You said half expecting her to be annoyed.

“I would not have offered if I minded my dear.” She said in a sweet and soft voice, arms open wide so you could get comfortable.

You curled up in a ball on her lap while she covered you with your blanket. “Would you like your relaxing music again, or shall I sing to you?” She asked after you settled in.

“Could you sing to me please? I’m not in the mood for a whole lot of extra noise right now.” You said softly, already feeling quite comfortable and peaceful.

“I understand dear, I shall sing you the lullaby my beloved Momma Frigga used to sing to me.” With that she started softly singing an unfamiliar yet very soothing song and you were soon fast asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My inbox and the comments are ALWAYS open if anyone needs to talk. Also I apologise for the long time between updates it's been busy and kinda rough lately but I'm doing better so hopefully more frequent updates 😊


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little venting and then some mischief of course 😊

You slowly woke up feeling very peaceful and looked around. You noticed you were cuddled up in the lap of a woman that looked a lot like Loki and were puzzled for a moment before your brain reminded you of what had happened before you fell asleep. A smile crept on your face as you sat up and stretched.

“Oh good you’re awake,” a soft melodious voice greeted you. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m doing better. It felt good to talk about everything. I think I’d feel better if I could tell them how I feel.” You sighed, “That will probably never happen though.”

“Why not my dear?” Lady Loki asked with a curious look on her face. “I’m sure you would feel much better.”

“Because of my stupid anxiety issues,” you scoffed, “plus even if I did it wouldn’t change anything. I know they’d never admit wrong or act like they don’t know what I’m talking about or they would put the blame on me and it took me a while to tell myself that it wasn’t.”

“Even if they said they were sorry you wouldn’t know whether to believe them.” She finished for you understanding what you were saying and where you were coming from.

“Exactly, I’ll never be able to trust anything that comes out of their mouth again.” You said grateful she understood.

“Jarvis what time is it?” You asked, changing the subject, “I’m kind of hungry.”

“It’s about 7;30 pm,” Jarvis responded, “Would you like me to place your usual order with your favorite take out place?”

“Yes please,” that sounded really good and made you even more hungry.

“Lady Loki would you like to order anything?” Jarvis asked “It goes on Mr. Stark's bill.” He added knowing that would encourage her to order something.

“Well in that case, I’ll try whatever the two of you would recommend.” She answered with mischief gleaming in her eyes.

“Jarvis time for a feast,” You said with a mischievous smile.

“Stark did say to do whatever it took to cheer you up Y/N, so if seeing Lady Loki try a bunch of food helps then who am I to stop you.” Jarvis said glad to see you smiling.

“Is that why you’ve been so nice to Loki?” You asked feigning surprise and holding a hand over your heart.

“I will admit that at first, yes that was my reason,” Jarvis answered. “However, I could tell how much she really cares about you and wanted to help by looking up things about depression so she could try to understand what was going on with you. So I guess you could say Loki has grown on me.”

“That’s nice to hear,” you responded happily glancing over at Loki.

“Indeed Jarvis, it is nice news.” Loki said tears in her eyes.

Knowing she would not want to be seen crying, even happy tears, you quickly changed the subject. “So did Tony put a limit on the amount, or can we go totally crazy?” You asked with a huge grin.

“He simply stated if you did any kind of shopping to NOT let you buy the place out.” Jarvis stated.

Loki raised an eyebrow quizzically at you. 

“Hey, in my defense he left me alone, on a high side of a mood swing, with permission to use one of his platinum cards, completely unsupervised.” You said holding up your hands in defense while giggling at the memory.

Loki smiled and started laughing as well. 

“Ok Jarvis, let’s order some food I’m starving.” you said, as if to prove your point, your stomach started growling.

“We can’t have that Y/N or the others will think we’re not taking care of you properly.” Jarvis stated, “Just try to go easy on Mr. Stark please or he might not let you have card privileges again.”

“No promises,” you said grinning mischievously at Loki.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony calls to check up on Y/N after a suspicious amount of food is ordered. Y/N and Lady Loki have a little talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What does Tony have to say about all the food you ordered?

After the food arrived and the two of you had eaten you received a video call from Tony, concerning all the food you had ordered, of course. Which you knew because of course he checked with Jarvis before he called. To make sure it was you and not some hacker wannabe trying to spend his money. Still you couldn’t help but act innocent when you answered the call.

“Tony, calling to check up on me? You should be happy to know Loki has dragged me out of my room and forced me to socialize.” You greeted with an innocent smile on your face.

“Don’t act all innocent with me Y/N, I noticed a slightly large bill for your favorite take out place and was just wondering where on earth you were going to put it all.” Tony said with a really stern look on his face.

“Well you see it wasn’t ALL for me, I did eat quite a bit but it was mostly for Lady Loki to try since she had never had any of it before.” You replied, keeping up your ever so innocent grin.

“Lady Loki? Why did Loki change forms? Were you uncomfortable with it just being you and Loki? Cause I could always send Nat back to stay with you as well.” He stated with a concerned look.

“I just missed girl talk and wanted someone to cuddle with so Loki asked if I would be more comfortable if he changed to Lady Loki. Not that I was uncomfortable it’s just with the way things have been and my emotional state lately I appreciated and accepted the very kind gesture.” You made sure to put emphasis on the kind gesture part.

“So nothing happened to make you feel uncomfortable? You sure you’re ok kid?” He asked, still not quite convinced.

“I’m doing good I promise. Better than I was when you guys left all thanks to Loki and Jarvis. I’m feeling a bit more like myself, not quite back to my normal but definitely better.” You said, sincerity showing on your face knowing he would talk to Jarvis again after he hung up no matter what you said.

“I’m glad you didn’t say ‘back to normal’ because well we all know you’re not.” He said with a smile on his face.

“I have never once claimed to be normal, why would I start now? Besides I tried normal once, it was boring.” You replied with a genuine smile on your face.

“I agree with you there kiddo, normal is so overrated.” He said rolling his eyes.

“Stark, we need your attention back here with us, tell the kid we said stay safe as you say goodbye.” You heard Cap’s commanding voice in the background.

“Well, you heard the big man kid, gotta go but I’ll talk to you again when I can.” He said, “stay safe and we’ll hopefully see you in person soon.”

“Will do, you guys stay safe as you can and see you soon.” You replied just before the screen went blank.

Turning your attention back to Loki you noticed her head down and she was picking at her hand.

“Are you ok Loki?” You asked, wondering if someone had said something wrong.

“Stark still doesn’t trust me. Are you really comfortable with it just being us here? If I were to change back would you still feel the same way? Or would you rather I stay as female?” She asked, not looking up.

“I trust you and so does Jarvis, the others will come around and if not that’s their problem. I’ve not been this comfortable being alone with anyone in a very long time, no matter the form or gender. Tony knows how I am, if I was uncomfortable all I have to do is say so and he would make sure to do what he could to help.” You said as you raised her face up to look at you.

Holding her face so you could look in her eyes you continued speaking, “Look at me and know I’m telling you the truth. I’m very comfortable with you, no matter the form and I’m very grateful for you helping me as much as you have been. All of which I will make sure Tony and the others know when they return, if Jarvis doesn’t beat me to it.” You finished with a mischievous grin, knowing Jarvis he had probably already informed them or would by the time they arrived.

Looking directly into your eyes Loki could tell you spoke the truth about being comfortable around her no matter what. She started to slowly realize that some people really could look past anything and still find good in others even if they themselves have been through Hel and things no one, child or not, should ever have to go through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's next for our lovely reader and Lady Loki, we'll see in the next chapter.


End file.
